Cheek-bumped!

This entry could well be borderline controversial. It could be just me picking on a minute issue, but let's let them all OUT! :)

I have been raised to shake the hands of visitors to our home or those whose homes we visit, be it adults or children. I should extend both of my hands and offer firm grip of their hands, and then bring my hands to the heart. And if it involves an elderly person, the shaking hands gesture is extended to also include lowering my head to our firm grip and kissing the hands of the elderly persons (while both our hands are still in the firm grasp), which I conclude, is to show greater respect to the elderly.

I was perplexed when I came here and was greeted with not one but three alternate "cheek-bumps." I don't remember who was my first (ERK!), but I have been sucked nurtured into this whole realm of uncomfortable gesture, that now seems to be an acquired behavior or norm of the people from Malaysia who stay/study here.

As far as I can remember, shaking hands are the norms of greetings among friends, and relatives. I am used to hugs and kisses on the cheek from family members, in addition to shaking hands. Among my Kiwi family members, I am always kissed on the right cheek and hugged. Or if I am greeting the elderly, I am the one giving the elderly person a kiss on his/her right cheek, and hug him/her.

Never have I been cheek-bumped. Until I arrived here. And on my recent trip back home, although it is not as rampant, it is being exercised by a selected group of acquaintance and relatives. The gesture practiced by the Malays here is that you start with shaking hands, and then extend your RIGHT cheek first to bump on the other person's right cheek, then move on to the left cheek-bump, and end it with another right cheek-bump. Some keep the hands gripped, some don't. And the rule of law is that you only do it among the ladies. I haven't seen Malay men doing cheek-bumps, though I don't know why we discriminate the gesture to be done just between the ladies.

The cheek-bumps gesture, or "air kiss" allows one to ignore meeting the other person in the eye. Instead of kissing each other, the air kiss is just that - kissing air. Anecdotal evidence indicate that the gesture is made famous by celebrities, who want to appear to be on good terms, when they can barely stand each other. And Hollywood celebrities take this gesture two steps further, by simply offering their cheeks and not bumping cheeks with the other person, and making the sound of 'muah' while distantly making the cheekbump. Being a self-confessed local celebrity myself, I have a recent experience of being given not one, but 2 Hollywood air kisses, or in my judgmental dictionary, a less than sincere fake effort of socializing. Just when I thought I have equipped myself with all the strategies and barriers so that I can tolerate the cheek-bumps with people who are way outside my personal bubble during Eid, I was met with not one but TWO genuine Hollywood air kisses that dwarf those shared between the real housewives of Beverly Hills. And that was done after we wished each other Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf zahir batin.

If I don't like the person(s), I will minimize contact and communication with him or her. And that includes avoiding the person(s) whenever I can. And that saves me from the stress of bumping cheeks with the people I can't stand. But in the spirit of Eid, at least I made an effort to greet and meet everybody who are there at the venue (and risked getting cheek-bumps with people I can't stand), rather than socialize with only the group of ladies people, whom I suspect, you already talk to on a day-to-day basis. What is then the point of coming to the event? Just continue commenting on each other's facebook wall if you don't even bother to make an effort to talk to other guests. And just because you have met me once, doesn't mean we can now be Facebook friends.

Please, please rescue me from your cheek-bumps if we can't stand each other. Okay drama queen signing out.

Fashion OVER-sense

Scarfs, hijab, veil, or shawl. Several issues surround the this topic at the moment, from the lackadaisical attitude of Muslim women to observe the command, to the similarity of the latest fashion of hijab (namely the Ariani-style tudung) to those don by Christian nuns. I believe that I am the last person on earth to question or judge women's intentions to (not) cover themselves. Let me be honest with you that I started wearing the scarf seriously to impress a certain now distantly insignificant someone. I naively thought that if I fit into what this person thought is the ideal appearance of a woman, the person would take a liking towards me. Well, even though I may have gotten all dolled up like how I thought this person would want in a woman, I don't have the manners nor the demeanor befitting the stereotypical traditional Malay woman of lemah-lembut, bersopan santun, and more importantly, subservient. Amidst the novel effort to impress this someone, behind the veiled person, is still the feisty girl, with a larger-than-life attitude often-times a wee bit of a put-off to the traditional stereotypical Malay men.

A little over a decade of experience, I have gathered quite a modest fashion sense of scarfs. Admittedly, I don't quite keep up with the latest fashion. There are now Syria-styled scarfs, multi-colored inner scarfs, lycra designer scarfs whose prices can go up to three-digits, and not forgetting  the evergreen, tudung-for-all-season, tudung bawal. The recent Hari Raya was the event for some fashion-savvy Facebook friends to put up a show of the latest fads and buzz of the hijabi fashion. There seem to be a new variety of scarf fashion, what I refer to as Mak Datin tudungs - the multi-layered, often two-toned scarfs, usually darker colored layer on the inside, and lighter shade of the same color hanging loosely on the outside. Personally, that's a wee bit too frilly for me.

I went to a friend's open house last week and discovered new trends in the hijabi fashion world - a bling clip tucked at the side of your buns (don't ask me what you do if you can't arrange your hair in a bun), while wearing the designer lycra-styled scarfs. And you must also put on an elaborated dangling bling under your chin. The bigger and longer the blings, the more en vogue you are.

My biggest pet peeve of the hijabi fashion is when women wear the ever-convenient awning or visor scarfs made of lycra, that almost always come in brightly colored, brazenly patterned fabric with their equally bright and heavily patterned baju kurung. Meriah sangat lah kakak. Flamboyant, loud, g.a.u.d.y. There is really not that thin a line between fashion sense and fashion disaster.

I am the rare breed that don't wear the awning or visor scarfs, nor the Syria-styled scarfs, nor the multi-color inner scarfs under long shawls. But I am one of many women who must replenish her scarf collection every 3 months. Back in Bolehland, I would diligently visit my favourite spot for scarf shopping - Warta Bangi, every month! Now I diligently visit websites that sell the latest fashion of scarfs in the market. And thanks to my out-of-date taste in the hijabi fashion world, my kind of scarfs are always on clearance sale or heavily discounted prices. In fact, my latest order of about 10 scarfs just arrived 5 days ago :) But I stick to the square or rectangular scarfs, usually with abstract, geometrical or fine patterns in pastel and boring colors.

Although we must always remember the real reason behind covering ourselves, I believe we should not be deprived of looking nice and pretty for our own sake. And the need to be perceived as nice and pretty is what prompted our ladies to keep up-to-date with the latest hijabi fashion - the gaudy colors, the blings, the beads and crystals, even though they don't suit the situation, our outfit, the event we're attending, or most importantly, our personalities.

Don't over do it, ladies. Good fashion sense is wearing an outfit that is comfortable, and matches our personality, an attire we can carry confidently and gracefully, and looks as if you pull it all off with minimum effort.

Note: This entry is motivated by the writer's own recent fashion over-sense incident.

Do you like what I (didn't) write?

My good friend awarded me this plague. Thank you Ermayum! [Note: not her real name] Read her blog here.

Okay, feedback time. What do you like/don't like about my senseless scribbles and tedious talks? Let me know! Be honest.