Fashion OVER-sense

Scarfs, hijab, veil, or shawl. Several issues surround the this topic at the moment, from the lackadaisical attitude of Muslim women to observe the command, to the similarity of the latest fashion of hijab (namely the Ariani-style tudung) to those don by Christian nuns. I believe that I am the last person on earth to question or judge women's intentions to (not) cover themselves. Let me be honest with you that I started wearing the scarf seriously to impress a certain now distantly insignificant someone. I naively thought that if I fit into what this person thought is the ideal appearance of a woman, the person would take a liking towards me. Well, even though I may have gotten all dolled up like how I thought this person would want in a woman, I don't have the manners nor the demeanor befitting the stereotypical traditional Malay woman of lemah-lembut, bersopan santun, and more importantly, subservient. Amidst the novel effort to impress this someone, behind the veiled person, is still the feisty girl, with a larger-than-life attitude often-times a wee bit of a put-off to the traditional stereotypical Malay men.

A little over a decade of experience, I have gathered quite a modest fashion sense of scarfs. Admittedly, I don't quite keep up with the latest fashion. There are now Syria-styled scarfs, multi-colored inner scarfs, lycra designer scarfs whose prices can go up to three-digits, and not forgetting  the evergreen, tudung-for-all-season, tudung bawal. The recent Hari Raya was the event for some fashion-savvy Facebook friends to put up a show of the latest fads and buzz of the hijabi fashion. There seem to be a new variety of scarf fashion, what I refer to as Mak Datin tudungs - the multi-layered, often two-toned scarfs, usually darker colored layer on the inside, and lighter shade of the same color hanging loosely on the outside. Personally, that's a wee bit too frilly for me.

I went to a friend's open house last week and discovered new trends in the hijabi fashion world - a bling clip tucked at the side of your buns (don't ask me what you do if you can't arrange your hair in a bun), while wearing the designer lycra-styled scarfs. And you must also put on an elaborated dangling bling under your chin. The bigger and longer the blings, the more en vogue you are.

My biggest pet peeve of the hijabi fashion is when women wear the ever-convenient awning or visor scarfs made of lycra, that almost always come in brightly colored, brazenly patterned fabric with their equally bright and heavily patterned baju kurung. Meriah sangat lah kakak. Flamboyant, loud, g.a.u.d.y. There is really not that thin a line between fashion sense and fashion disaster.

I am the rare breed that don't wear the awning or visor scarfs, nor the Syria-styled scarfs, nor the multi-color inner scarfs under long shawls. But I am one of many women who must replenish her scarf collection every 3 months. Back in Bolehland, I would diligently visit my favourite spot for scarf shopping - Warta Bangi, every month! Now I diligently visit websites that sell the latest fashion of scarfs in the market. And thanks to my out-of-date taste in the hijabi fashion world, my kind of scarfs are always on clearance sale or heavily discounted prices. In fact, my latest order of about 10 scarfs just arrived 5 days ago :) But I stick to the square or rectangular scarfs, usually with abstract, geometrical or fine patterns in pastel and boring colors.

Although we must always remember the real reason behind covering ourselves, I believe we should not be deprived of looking nice and pretty for our own sake. And the need to be perceived as nice and pretty is what prompted our ladies to keep up-to-date with the latest hijabi fashion - the gaudy colors, the blings, the beads and crystals, even though they don't suit the situation, our outfit, the event we're attending, or most importantly, our personalities.

Don't over do it, ladies. Good fashion sense is wearing an outfit that is comfortable, and matches our personality, an attire we can carry confidently and gracefully, and looks as if you pull it all off with minimum effort.

Note: This entry is motivated by the writer's own recent fashion over-sense incident.

Do you like what I (didn't) write?

My good friend awarded me this plague. Thank you Ermayum! [Note: not her real name] Read her blog here.

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Crossroads

I apologise to my 4 readers out there for not updating this blog :) If there are more readers, do holler!


I have been overwhelmed with life. Might as well die lah!


I am actually at a crossroads. All paths lead to what I would refer to as a "challenging and exciting" life, in its own different way. I would also like to think that God has spoilt blessed me with choices, Alhamdulillah. But making a decision, one I would like to know will make the important people in my life happy and content, is extremely difficult.


One path would seem to others as if I am not prioritising my family back home, and not honouring a contractual agreement, even though the contract is at best, ambiguous. This path also means more uncertainties and financial worries. Another path is the obvious and expected choice. Yet another unexplored path awaits me, life without any pressure except a domestic lifestyle filled with exploring recipes I have saved but never had the time to experiment, setting up a business I have long planned for, or starting a non-profit group that will change my people one person at a time.


And I ask myself why I am at this crossroads?


Any sane and rational person would not even doubt the obvious and expected path.


Why can't I find the complete manual to making life decisions? Or maybe I can use those decision trees like in Dr Murali's decision sciences class. Maybe I should simply draw my decision from a hat. If I collected some data on my own life, I can may be run a logistic regression equation to assist me in making a decision!


In my previous life, my decisions were made to please others, be it my family, the boss, the greater society. I suppose that was my evil side telling me that I can blame others IF my decisions led to dire consequences. In this current life, I need to own up to my own decisions, what ever way the consequences turn out to be. And that's the most difficult part in the whole realm of making decisions.


Tough life, tough decisions. I'm not made for this.

Rub-a-dub-dub . . .

My life in Auckland has been pretty nomadic. I moved from Fairview Lane in Papatoetoe to the Railway Campus, to the Wellesley Students Apartment, to the Forte Apartments, within just the first 6 months in the city. The nomadic lifestyle back then was purely driven by financial motives. The previous 6 months have also seen us moving in and out of 3 apartments, but this time it's entirely driven by life uncertainties.


A few good things of having a nomadic lifestyle. Number one, I manage to become less of a serial hoarder. Because I moved a lot, I am forced to frequently pack and unpack, and by doing so, allow me to either give away or throw away things and items I don't see the use of keeping/hoarding/owning. Number two, I don't develop a clinging culture, when I go everywhere with the same people and don't expose myself to other social challenges. Number three, and the point of writing this entry, is the arduous and often times expensive cleaning regime. Every time I moved, I MUST scoured, cleaned, cleansed and sterilized the apartment to the satisfaction of the agent/property manager. This is not implying that I ONLY do it upon moving out. Keeping the apartment continuously cleaned is also a challenge.


In my previous life, I bought bleach, multi-purpose cleaning agents (like Mr. Muscle), and other cleaning agents (oven cleaner, mold remover), and was amazed by the amount of options available, each catered to the types of dirt and functions.  The current apartment that we are in was in an extremely FILTHY condition. Unacceptably filthy. Spots on the carpet, oily scums on the cooktop and mold and mildew living in the fridge. Dusty floors, shelves, windows and wall edges. But we knew it was a nice-sized apartment for us. So we came to the dirt war at the apartment armed with 4 different cleaning agents: 1 Mr Muscle multipurpose cleaner, 1 Janola toilet cleaning bleach, 1 Jif, and 1 Fabreeze (fabric deodorizer and odour remover). Halfway through the dirt war, we ran out of cleaning agents. So we retreated for the day, and I spent the entire night googling homemade cleaning agents. Lo and behold, I can find cheap, SAFE, non-toxic and equally effective cleaning agents in my kitchen box (At that time, we were still nomadic, so I had all my baking and cooking stuffs in 1 box).


Here are the essential home made cleaning agents straight from your kitchen shelf.

VINEGAR. I bought a huge bottle of vinegar (well, that's the only size they were sold in) about 2 years ago to make potato salad. I have never used it since then. Vinegar is a natural, non-toxic cleaner, deodorizer and degreaser. Vinegar kills mold, bacteria and germs. It can be used as a window cleaner, and oil degreaser for your exhaust fan grids, inside oven, and counter tops. Vinegar also works as a stain remover to remove coffee/tea stains from cups, mugs and kettles. I make my own all-purpose cleaner adding one part water and one part vinegar. The smell is strong, but it dissipates within a few hours, and more importantly it leaves your counter top smelling and feeling fresh. Adding essential tea tree oil to the water and vinegar solution can lessen the strong vinegar smell. I also use vinegar and water solution to scrub floor tiles. Vinegar can also be used as a fabric softener (I have yet to experiment with this). Cost is between NZD 1.50.

BAKING SODA. Apart from being an ingredient in your cake, baking soda is a mild abrasive agent and odour neutralizer, great for cleaning water-based scums e.g., soap scums and toilet grimes. Half a cup of baking soda and water just enough to frost it up makes a safe and effective scouring powder. For better results, leave the powder on the surface for 20 minutes before (easily) scouring the dirt and grimes. Cost between 99 cent to NZD1.20

TEA TREE ESSENTIAL OIL. A bit expensive! but very effective on fighting molds and mildews. Simply mix 2 teaspoon of tea tree oil with a 2 cups of water to make a solution for those tough moldy areas (shower areas, shower curtains etc).The smell of tea tree oil is very strong, but the smell dissipates in a few minutes. Cost for 10ml = NZD 6.50.








The above three ingredients are what I use at my home. Browse here http://www.care2.com/ for more green living tips. Happy trying!

Respect the bubble!

Some people have big ones, some don't mind small ones. Some cater theirs according to the people they meet and interact with. Some even have layers in theirs, for categories of people in their life – acquaintance, friends, BFFs, relatives, families, colleagues, strangers and aliens. Yet in some people, and certain cultures, the concept doesn't even exist. Bare all. Hey, it's a boundary-less world they say.


I am talking about a personal bubble, or a personal space or comfort zone, that invisible barrier you create around yourself, reserved for your own intimate feelings, for people you hold close to your heart, and for those you trust completely. Different people reserve different feelings and emotions in their personal bubbles. People from highly individualistic culture/community (like the Americans, New Zealanders, Canadians), the diameters of their personal bubbles are longer than those of the people from highly communal societies (like MALAYSIA, India, Bangladesh). Generally speaking. There are exceptions in all societies. Because of evolution, education, upbringing, and just personal preference, certain people who hail from highly communal societies can possess shrinking personal bubbles, and vice versa.


Merely from my own observation, I think my personal bubble is larger and possibly thicker (to barricade those hard-core social invaders) than most of my peers from the same culture and country. Only selected few people are allowed inside my personal bubble. And because I am one of those people who put other people who have crossed my life journey into boxes, or categories, I have layers of personal bubble for different people who belong in different boxes. Just because I know you, doesn't mean you're my FRIEND. Just because we are related, doesn't mean you're my family. Just because I am from Malaysia like you are, doesn't mean you can judge me and assume that we are alike. My personal bubble doesn't recognize race, religion, age or gender. Sincerity carries greater value.


To those who are allowed into my personal bubble, thank you for your friendship, trust and sincerity. To those who aren't, I'm sure you belong in one of many of your friends' or family members'. Just because you don't belong inside mine, doesn't mean you're a bad person, just means we value different things in life, and I respect you for that. And to those hard-core social invaders, who don't respect others' personal space, just because I invited you to my house, doesn't automatically privileged you of the bananas in my fruit basket. You're cluttering my mind, and my personal bubble is too small for your fat ass!

Greener PERIOD?

Eugh.

That was my first response when Modd asked me if I came across reusable pads. Since then, I've done research and readings on reusable pads, pantyliners, and even the diva cup. I was (note the past tense) an avid user of commercial pantyliners, often times panicked when my supply ran out. I even resorted to buying the pantyliners in convenience stores, consciously knowing that I would pay higher prices than in supermarkets.

It used to cost me NZD6.99 per 1 pack of 24 pantyliners and that'll just for use for 1 month (maybe less). In one year, I would have spent about NZD84.00, and a lifetime use would have cost me (given that the average lifespan of an Asian woman is 75) NZD 5,200. Is that the price of comfort?

Little did I know that the financial hazards of these commercial pantyliners also come with environmental harms. The wastes that women threw every month filled up landfills, and like us women, they take their own sweet time to break down. An average woman would have used and thrown away more than 10,000 disposable or commercial pads or about 115 kg of "periodic" waste. Not to mention the plastic packagings of the commercial pads and pantyliners.


The bad news don't stop there. Have you ever wonder why commercial pads are so white and "pure"? This is because the materials (cotton & rayon) are treated with chemicals such as bleach. In short, we have been applying bleach to our vajayjay!

There are several alternatives towards greener periods. The manufacturers now even offer organic tampons. They are priced slightly higher (NZD11.99, compared to your usual NZD 6.99 or 7.99 Libra pads). I resort to reusable cloth pads and pantyliners (Yep, you guessed it, similar to those used by our grannies and their grannies!) I found this cloth reusable pantyliners trial pack on http://www.poppypads.co.nz/ for NZD35.00. The pantyliners come with buttons to secure the placing and you can choose various designs. The pantyliners are surprisingly comfortable. I have been using these cloth pantyliners since 3 months ago, and I feel financially and environmentally liberated! I haven't bought pantyliners since then. Most cloth pads come with washing instructions when you buy them. Just soak with cold water (don't use HOT water, because hot water tends to set stain) and squeeze the excess out (I add a bit of salt). Occassional machine wash (60 degrees wash) is also recommended to keep the pads refreshed.

I have also bought myself cloth pads, also on poppypads, but I haven't been religiously using them. These are cloth pads from organic cotton. 100% washable and reusable. I admit that I am still not ready to embark on complete eco overhaul of menses. I have experimented with the cloth pad only twice, but on my less heavy flow days. Still needs a bit more guts and encouragement. Nonetheless, I have taken the first step to switching to reusable cloth pantyliners (that's what I tell myself!).


For the braver ladies, there is the diva or moon cup also for greener periods. Give it a try, ladies! Let's change our society, one PERIOD at a time :)

[Go to http://www.pleasurepuss.com/ to calculate how much you have spent on commercial pads, and realize the need for greener periods!]