Crossroads

I apologise to my 4 readers out there for not updating this blog :) If there are more readers, do holler!


I have been overwhelmed with life. Might as well die lah!


I am actually at a crossroads. All paths lead to what I would refer to as a "challenging and exciting" life, in its own different way. I would also like to think that God has spoilt blessed me with choices, Alhamdulillah. But making a decision, one I would like to know will make the important people in my life happy and content, is extremely difficult.


One path would seem to others as if I am not prioritising my family back home, and not honouring a contractual agreement, even though the contract is at best, ambiguous. This path also means more uncertainties and financial worries. Another path is the obvious and expected choice. Yet another unexplored path awaits me, life without any pressure except a domestic lifestyle filled with exploring recipes I have saved but never had the time to experiment, setting up a business I have long planned for, or starting a non-profit group that will change my people one person at a time.


And I ask myself why I am at this crossroads?


Any sane and rational person would not even doubt the obvious and expected path.


Why can't I find the complete manual to making life decisions? Or maybe I can use those decision trees like in Dr Murali's decision sciences class. Maybe I should simply draw my decision from a hat. If I collected some data on my own life, I can may be run a logistic regression equation to assist me in making a decision!


In my previous life, my decisions were made to please others, be it my family, the boss, the greater society. I suppose that was my evil side telling me that I can blame others IF my decisions led to dire consequences. In this current life, I need to own up to my own decisions, what ever way the consequences turn out to be. And that's the most difficult part in the whole realm of making decisions.


Tough life, tough decisions. I'm not made for this.